On football forums, there’s a certain art to posting in match threads. The sane approach is to actually watch or listen to the game, and afterwards sit back for a while and mull things over, then post something reasoned and constructive. The alternative is to take a gamble and post during the game in the hope that subsequent events don’t make you out to be an idiot.

Compare and contrast the following posts made during the 3-2 win over Manchester City. First up is Nigel- also known as Nidgemo. A 30-something, slightly retarded Northern Irish bellend who is banned from most LFC sites for being a slightly retarded bellend, Nigel has rather less insight than our former resident Champion of Being Wrong, Vikram. Ably supported by Carousel, who believes that we got a good deal in Gillet and Hicks, the kneejerks come thick and fast.

Nidgemo (03:46 PM): “Well, that's that game over.”

Mick Jagger (03:41 PM): “Go on Rafa, be bold. Make a sub before 60mins.”

Nidgemo (03:48 PM): “Ha ha.

“Some fucking chance. He'll take Torres off on exactly 60 minutes and replace him with Agger.”

Carousel (03:51 PM): “It's over, we have no game plan for this.

“At 0-1, I knew we would play for the tie... now I expect Rafa to pull Torres and Gerrard off whilst hoisting a white flag.”

Nidgemo (4:14 PM): “What unambitious shite.

“38 minutes left, 2-0 down, on the attack - how many players did we get into the oppositions box for the cross?

“One.”

PaulC (04:15 PM): “Unambitious? we've been running at them all this half.

“2-1 now with the whole team getting up into attack.”

Nidgemo (04:18 PM): “That was better. We got two men in the box for that cross.

“It's like watching Ardiles spurs all over again.

“I predict a 7-6 win.”

PaulC (04:19 PM): “I know you're anti-Benitez and revel in Liverpool losing, but I did think at one time you knew a thing about football.

“Oh well, just another troll on the pile then, Nidgeram.”

Nidgemo: *snip* Editor’s note- Nigel’s response to this has been removed due to several readers complaining about vomiting their spleens up in sheer, toe-curling embarrassment for him.

PaulC (4:33 PM- Torres has just equalised): “Ha, ha, stick that unambition up your fucking hole.”

Nidgemo: *silence*

Carousel (04:53 PM- Kuyt has just got the winner): “DIRK MOTHER FUCKING KUYT!!!!”

Tiggerheart (04:53 PM): “COOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

brian-boitano (04:53 PM): “thou ginger beaaaauuuuuuutttttyyy!!!!!!!!!!”

PatrickTheCanine (04:53 PM) "BOOOOOOOOOOOOYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

BillyBudd (04:53 PM): “We're gonna win the fucking league.”

Larky (04:54 PM): “UNBELIEVABLE.”

Nidgemo: *silence*

Next up is FinnMacCool. Finn is a 30-something Liverpudlian who gained immortal fame for his half time posts during the 2005 Champion’s League final and has a habit of being right. Finn is worth several billion and is currently banned from all betting shops in the EU.

FinnMacCool (03:45 PM): “Two-nil down doesn't bother a scouser.”

FinnMacCool (04:10 PM):
“We're bound to win now because that was a clear peno and so they've got Dirk Kuyt angry. They won't like him when he's angry.”

So there you have it. Do you think you can be a better pundit than Finn? Maybe you’re completely incapable of critically analyzing a football match without kneejerking like a Parkinson’s victim during a reflex test, and fancy a crack at Nigel’s Brown Crown of Wrongness. Join in the fun and sign up now.

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